The Viewpoint

The showdown between God and me

I can be so blind…for real.

I constantly analyze other people- their characters, their strengths, their hearts, their quirks. But when it comes to myself, I don’t see so well. In fact, most of the time I just plain don’t know what is going on in my heart, which leads to much frustration.

Not only am I blinded, but I also question things to no end. My mind is constantly plagued with questions: Am I right? Am I wrong? What does this look like? Should I change? Is my heart in the right place? Why do I feel this way?

Questions. Ones that I in and of myself cannot answer.

This shows me that I am not superman.

Well, duh. The first problem with that statement is that I am not a man. Secondly, I cannot be superman because superman does not exist – unless you count Jesus. Here lies the problem. I do not want Jesus to be superman. I want to be the hero. I want to take over God’s job.

More frustration.

Here’s the dealio: I get frustrated because I can’t understand myself or answer my questions. I feel like I should know everything. I feel like I should know how to fix myself. I feel like I should know how to be good. I feel like I should know how to put on my own superman costume and magically gain new abilities. And soon enough those feelings turn into what I actually believe, not just thoughts in the back of my mind.

Does anyone else see a problem here?

I am not superman. I do not know everything.

This issue goes back to the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. They too wanted to be superman. They wanted the knowledge of good and evil. They wanted to be like God. They ate the forbidden fruit.

What forbidden fruit do I eat?

My forbidden fruit is the fear of man. You can tell when you look at the questions I ask myself. (Am I right? Am I wrong? What does this look like? Should I change? Is my heart in the right place? Why do I feel this way?) On the outside, those questions appear semi-decent. However, where is my desire to please God in those questions? Don’t they instead come from a desire to look good?

Friends, this self-analyzation is not going so well.

I can’t see my heart, I ask too many questions, I want to be superman, and I eat the fear of man
(figuratively speaking of course).

At times like these, it is so easy for me to get down on myself. I mean, seriously, I’m a pastor’s kid. Shouldn’t I know better? What I shouldn’t do is take off my mask of superiority. People may see that I don’t actually have it all together.

Does anyone else see a problem here?

I am not superman. I do not know everything.

Even in that last bit of seeming logical thought (“Condemn yourself. It’s what you deserve.”) I’m still trying to be God. I’m still saying I know better than Him. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” When I condemn myself, I’m going against what the Scripture says. Just like when I go against Scripture and follow the pattern of eating forbidden fruit like Adam and Eve.

Not good.

By now you’re probably wondering where all of these ramblings are leading. You know what? Me too. Where should all of this confusion and questioning and chaos lead me? Not to myself, that’s for sure. That only accentuates the problem.

How about the only superman? How about Jesus?

What if I were to follow the Biblical model? What if I were to lay down my desire to “truly know myself” and instead replace it with knowing who I am in Christ? What if I were humble enough to search the Scriptures for answers to my questions instead of trying to figure them out on my own? What if I feared God instead of caring about what other people think of me? WHAT IF I LET GOD BE GOD?

Novel idea.

I’m convicted (in case you couldn’t already tell…). More and more I come to SEE how messed up we have it when it comes to our role and God’s role. For you, I’m sure it’s very different. Maybe you try to play God by putting other things first. Athletics? Academics? Money? Lust? Pride? Selfishness? Fill in your own blank.

We’ve got it wrong people. God is God…and we are obviously not.

Isaiah 45:4-7 says, “I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from Me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged Me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”

We should submit ourselves to God and let Him do His job. After all, if we were superman, or more seriously, God, we would all be dead by now. We don’t have the capability of running everything on our own. We are totally dependent on Him and we always will be. There is no need for another superman.

Wake up and see! Our downplaying God is a serious issue. Don’t ignore it.

Some final thoughts:
1. You are still not superman.
2. What is your forbidden fruit?
3. Strive to see that God is God and you are not.

- Cheryl Kaye